"Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend." Camus
Making Friends becomes more difficult as you age. Your weird little patterns and habits harden, your tastes in people and things gets more ingrained, your ability to freely open up to others becomes more difficult. It is for this reason we spend time with those we are most 'at home' with. We look more for fun and comfort in our companions than we look for new and different friends. At least this is true for myself. Maybe this is why when you suffer the loss of a friend it seems harder as you get older. You have lived long enough to fully understand how precious a true friend is. And how incredibly rare they are.
The loss of my great hiking partner Rock, in July, was a big hit for me. We had hiked well over 1000 miles together, the majority of them just the 2 of us, and had grown incredibly close. When people speak of their dog's loyalty I truly understand that idea now, better than I had before I met Rock. But life is also very much about loss. The news everyday blasts horrific stories of human loss. I have lost some great people along the way as well. Part of getting older I suppose. I have buried my parents, and suffered a tragic loss of my best friend 20 years ago, so I understand how some may find it weird that a dog could mean so much to me. But he did, and it will take some time to fully heal. But I still have a need to hike, and stay in shape, and frankly sometimes I want company that isn't necessarily verbal. So only three days after saying goodbye to my Buddy we were off to the shelter to look for a pup.
Shelter visits are always hard for me. Seeing so many beautiful animals in cages just hurts. I knew when we walked in we would be leaving with a new family member. After walking up and down the gauntlet a couple of times I got physically sick and had to leave. Out in the parking lot, alone, I prayed to Rock to help me pick the right dog for our family. As tears streamed down my face I had one more talk with my boy.
"Rock Buddy, You know what I need better than anyone. Please help me."
A minute or two later our daughter Sarah showed up. I told her to go on in without me, I had already looked but I wanted her to look without my input. I waited outside another few minutes, and when I came in Sarah was with a puppy I had seen pictures of but who had been sleeping when I was inside. Now wide awake, I had a hunch we were close to deciding. And as emotional as I was that day, I was relieved to be getting some help from my family in the selection process. Our son Adam was in town visiting from Chicago, fittingly he would be home to say goodbye to Rock. It was also fun to have him with us when we made our decision. He would help us to say Welcome Home to Stella Blue :)
So I begin my hiking with my new friend. She is the opposite of my old friend in more ways than I can mention. Probably a good thing for me. She is so social for one thing. Stella wants to meet & greet the entire world. Rock had little use for that stuff. She also did not suffer the same traumas that Rock did from being born on the streets. I will open my heart once again, and my only wish is that I can come close to finding the hiking partner that I recently lost. I do have great hopes for that to happen. It is why I asked for him to help us find her, and in my mind I firmly believe that is why he woke her up for her to pick us. And although puppy training can be challenging at times, I know the friendship that can be had is worth every effort. The pain that I feel in losing my boy is a testament to how strong our love grew to be. I know I still have a lot of love to give, and pounds to lose. So now is the time to go get my backpack and go walk with my Stella Blue :)
