"You will never find a better sparring partner than adversity"
Golda Meir
Not that anyone would notice but I have not written since August. In my case no news is not good news. In fact I found myself spiraling in a direction I thought I had removed from my personal compass. I hear so much whining in my world today that when things are not going well for me, well, I tend to close up. So in this light the mere fact that I finally feel like writing again today is a major step, I hope the first of many that get me back to "Stepping to the Music I Hear."
Many of my blogs last year were about loss, specifically the passing of my hiking partner Rock. You remember, my hero. The dog that got me hiking and losing weight, the pup that made me feel like really living life again. We added a new family member, Miss Stella Blue, in the hopes that a new puppy might keep me moving, in spite of my sadness. Only two weeks after she joined us Sue & I took little Stella on a ride to the North Country with our son Adam, visiting us from Chicago. We had a great day up in Grafton Notch State Park, and decided to take the long way home. In Berlin we were stopped in traffic, waiting for a pedestrian to cross. With my foot on the brake Adam and I were talking about Scallop Rolls that we were about a minute from picking up. Sue & Stella were napping in the back seat. Just a normal moment in time, then..
BOOM
Without any warning our truck was rear ended. It literally felt like a bomb had gone off. Having been stopped I really had no idea what had happened. The first words out of my mouth, to my passengers, was "I'm sorry." I did not even know what had happened but I felt like it was my fault, which it was not. Immediately checking ourselves for injury we could not find the puppy ! She had literally flown into the space under the front seat. We were quite relieved to discover her unharmed. And for the most part we were lucky, we all had our belts on or our injuries may have been much worse. I felt some pain in my foot but declined a ride to the hospital.
The next day x-rays would show no broken bones. Yet the pain in my foot persisted. I tried acupuncture, physical therapy, etc. but it has been persistent. Long story short is I have not really hiked since that fateful day. The pain also took the fun out of exercising. So the weight has returned, followed by the inevitable bout of depression. Of course I am aware of how minor an ailment this is, in a world of terminal diseases I hate even talking on this subject. But I lost a lot that day, because hiking has become so much more than just physical exercise for me, it became my balancing beam. If I started a hike in a foul mood by the time the woods and Rock were done with me I was always happy. I never had a 'bad' hike. This I could always count on. And in our uncertain existence it's nice to have some sure things.
Last week found me at my third doctor, a foot and ankle specialist. This time the x-ray did show a spur that digs into my Achilles Heel. Now I know that the pain was not just in my head, something I was starting to wonder about. The bad news it that to fix it they would need to detach my tendon and then reattach it, a procedure that is not recommended. This problem, minor that it is, will probably always be with me.
What does that mean ? It means I will hike again knowing that there will be minor pain in every step. It is up to me to mentally box that pain in and not let it stop me. It is my current dilemma. But hiking means a lot to me, and I need it in my daily life. Sometimes we truly do not understand how vital something is until we lose it. The one step forward followed by a back slide, well, that's just life, isn't it. We are not on a linear path to success and happiness, and in my case good health. There are always bumps in our way, obstacles to be overcome. I know mine is a minor one that I let have a big impact on me. No more. The past few days Miss Stella Blue and I have started small walks up the hill behind our house. Her romps in the snow have been spectacular. I want to develop our bond hiking the same way my old buddy and I did. She deserves that opportunity, after all it is why we got her. She is a great partner already, much sillier than Rock and always making me laugh. I find it's hard to complain when one is laughing, and it sure as heck beats whining.
